Choices-
“I trust and respect you to make your own life choices. As my equal partner, I will not try to control you by taking away your choices in life.”
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Boundaries-
“Healthy boundaries lead to respect for the other and equality in a relationship, an appreciation for the aliveness and strength of the other person, and a mutual flow of feelings between the two partners — all features of mature love. ”
“Unhealthy boundaries, where we collude with our partner in believing the myth that everything is fine, make it difficult to come to terms with the troubles of the relationship.”
“Healthy boundaries allow us to test reality rather than rely on fantasy. When problems are present, good boundaries allow us to define the problems and to communicate with our partner in finding solutions. They encourage a healthy self-image, trust, consistency, stability and productive communication.”
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Past Relationships-
“For those who have had a number of relationships and have had time to release these and look back upon them with perception, there are some that were better than others but for the most part, as one person put it, “It’s not really about someone being better than the other since, thanks to them, I grew into a different person and grew to want and appreciate different things. I couldn’t possibly compare the relationship I had when I was 17 to that when I turned 32.”
In other words, think about this silly apple analogy:
I could never compare any of my past loves any more than I can compare juicy, crunchy apples. When I eat an apple, I don’t think, “Holy moly! THIS apple is SO much better than the last one.” No, instead I think, ‘This apple tastes SO freaking good. I am loving life!”
With relationships, it’s often not about finding the absolute best apple or wishing for apples of the past. It’s about simply appreciating the one you have at the time. (One must also keep in mind, though, that when a person finds a bad apple they don’t keep eating it just because that’s what they have in their hand. They drop it and reach for another.)”
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Moving on
“The biggest cliché needs further elaboration: There is a reason the two of you broke up: a bigger reason. It’s not something like, “He cheated on me” or “I gained a lot of weight and was a constant nag.” Instead, it’s a reason that comes from your soul that says, “It’s time you moved on to something else. You are finished here. You have other life experiences to gain from.”
The challenge is to accept this deep within your moral fiber. If you can truly understand that that there’s something out there, something else, that you were meant to experience and, more importantly, that you won’t experience until you release this person from your mind, then you will be able to finally stop thinking about that ex.”
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Neutrality
Your goal is neutrality — still remembering, still appreciating, just unattached. This neutrality allows you to be a good person to this individual while also allowing your life to blossom into something new.
Often the only thing holding someone back is not that they wish to get back with that person but instead, that they still harbor hate and ill-will towards them. Spiritually, on the deeper soul level, a person must release this attachment before their soul can progress.
So, release the hate. And release the love. Learn from the experience. That person, good or bad, contributed to who you are today and especially to who’ll you’ll be once this is all over.
From there, your eyes and your mind will open and before you know it, exactly what’s best for you will simply appear before your eyes.
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